I would also like to rap with you a bit about a topic with which you might be familiar: shame. I have written about it in the past, but it keeps popping up. I feel that shame is intimately linked with our peculiar manner of arousal.
You may also call it humiliation, if you’d like… but there can be doubt that our brand of fetish falls clearly outside of social norms. Is this simply a byproduct, or something more? Are we misfits by nature, or did our perversion somehow contribute to this outcome?
I have heard a lot of people say, some highly reputable sources, to not to be ashamed by our fetish: embrace it; embody it; be proud. I would say no: be ashamed... be very, very ashamed. Shame is spicy, shame is hot, and without it, they are only just clothes.
Now, fetish and identity are two separate things. Yes, I am in favor of confidence and self-esteem, but my sexual fantasies are irrevocably tied with social anxieties. We can have two lives, says I, and balance our duality, inside and outside the closet.
Embrace it? No, fight it! Accept it? No, deny it! Be like those quantum particles with simultaneous ontologies.
I feel awful sometimes, so deeply depressed… meaningless, isolated, confused. I like to maintain a public persona, but privately I am overwrought. My shame is private, it is mine, and you cannot have it. I would cry out: Reclaim the Shame!
Whip that surly bastard, but do not let him go… no matter how he wriggles.
loved the story :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Joe! It tickles me to hear :-)
ReplyDeleteI hope to be Brian someday!
ReplyDeleteYou CAN be Brian -- all you have to do is belieeeeeeeeeeve!!!
ReplyDeleteFor some people it may be just a fetish. I remember reading one comment from a crossdresser who wrote that he is against feminine clothes that's designed for men because then if he would wear it, he wouldn't be doing something that's ''forbidden'' and that would not arouse him anymore. The whole thing would come down to ''only just clothes''. That's clearly just a fetish and that's fine, but the thing is that there are people who moved on from some activity being just a fetish to them. To them it's never ''only just clothes'' it's clothes that is comfy or sexy or pretty, etc. Only after that they may or may not divide it into ''men's'' and ''women's''. And then we come to the two opposing desires, desire to feel humiliated or ashamed and the desire to be accepted, respected.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, in my case, even if I wear something just for the sake of wearing something that I find comfortable and nice I would still later on sometime feel depressed, ashamed and hateful towards myself because of my male ego. So yea, we can balance our duality, it's just that sometimes it's extremely nerve-racking.
I really wonder what happens to Brian after this! Is the word "cocksucker" flashing in his mind suggesting he's been hypnotized? Gotta love that outfit.
ReplyDelete