Wednesday, 15 June 2016

Finding Matthew

Okay, so... yeah. This is a bit awkward.

I know, I know, I am the MOST irresponsible blogger in the word: sounding crazy one minute and absolutely BATSHIT the next. I've been whiling away the hours on disposable social media while my foundation has been laid to waste by the most insipid forms of rot.

I'm back?

Yeah, we've heard that one before: new beginning, blah blah blah... well listen, fuck it. This time it's important. I am looking for Matthew and I know that he's reading this, so please please please get back in touch with me. You know how to reach me.

As for the rest of you? Well, let me put the rumours to rest: yes, I have started to transition, and no, it has not been easy. I am losing my marriage, my house, and quite possibly my job. Fortunately, I haven't any kids, which is pretty much the only thing that keeps the scales from tipping back.

There is no right or wrong, should or shouldn't. We all have different lives and different circumstances, and good for one is bad for another. Heck, the notion of transitioning can mean so many things, and I still do not know what it holds in store for me.

So anyway, here I am, two years later, after having had so much FUN in the company of others. Here, trying to keep the friends who are actually worth a shit and find the others who slipped between the cracks. And then there is all of you, my most faithful, faceless readers...

Are you with me? Can we do this together?

I need my Matthew first.

The Birth of Pegasus and Chrysaor 1876-1885 Edward Burne-Jones.


  1. Congratulations on your transition! You are incredibly brave and strong to go through it.

  2. Wish you the best and commend you for your bravery

  3. Be strong.
    Would it help if I were to post a link to this post on my Tumblr feeds? If so, just let me know, by an e-mail to or to my friend Arcadia Berger at

  4. First of all, Brenda; I offer you both my deepest condolences for what your choice may have cost you on all levels, and my greatest admiration for your courage and determination in embarking on your journey to becoming a truer you.
    May your new "binding" better-express your "novel" to those who've never read the true content of the person you are!

    Secondly; (not that my input or aid would be of any particular help or material value) I would like to offer any moral-support which you might be able to take comfort in.

    And, lastly; I would very much like to Know more of the one you seek. If you consider my nomme de plume, and are so inclined, my email is w8z2x4m at gmail dot com.

    May you find the Greatest Peace. Know the Deepest Love. And share the most Passionate Kisses;
    "Elle-Jae Matthews"